This House is (Mostly) Clean
Good Shepherd Lutheran Church (1991-1992)
Champaign, Illinois
Forgive me, God. I have sinned.
It’s been more than 30 years ago. So I hope to leave the past behind. First, let me confess what happened.
I was in high school working part-time as a church janitor at my spiritual home since birth: Good Shepherd Lutheran Church. Once again, I was inspired by the legacies of my brothers, Todd and Keith, both janitors at the church before me. Just like my years cleaning buses.
Night time was the right time to fit in cleaning the church each week. Now it’s one thing when the church was full of my family of worshippers on a sunny Sunday morning.
But it was always eerie walking into that empty, pitch-black building on a late Saturday night.
My pupils widened.
My palms were sweaty.
I constantly looked left, then right.
I peered over my shoulder to catch the slightest noise or creepy shadow.
The only two light sources spotted were the red “EXIT” sign glowing above the church doors and the dimly lit eternal candle in the red vase on the distant sanctuary altar.
I found my way to the narrow, pitch-black sacristy to turn on the first set of lights.
The second set of lights was in a tiny control room housing the audio-visual equipment in the back of the sanctuary behind the pews. The AV controls also powered the microphones in the reader’s lectern and the pastor’s pulpit.
My trusty companion on this ominous weekly journey was my red, dual-cassette Magnavox boombox and cassette stack: the sources of my janitorial soundtrack.
My boombox was plenty loud. But it was no match for the industrial vacuum’s overbearing hum. So I would power up the audio in the control room, set my boombox in front of the pulpit microphone, press play, and pump up the volume.
Having my favorite Hip-Hop artists keeping me company made a few hours of deep cleaning fly by. It was as if the sanctuary was instantly filled with visiting members from The First Congregational Church of Old School.
Big Daddy Kane was the guest preacher. Chuck D and Guru presided over the deacons.
Marley Marl teamed up with The Bomb Squad as co-music directors. Teddy Riley led Aaron Hall’s New Jack Swing choir.
Rakim and MC Lyte delivered the readings. Queen Latifah said the prayers.
Biz Markie and Slick Rick shared the children’s lesson before KRS-One’s sermon.
DJs D-Nice, Eric B., and Premier were on the turntables for the postlude.
Was it sacrilegious? Quite possibly.
Did it get the job done in a dark and lonely place normally full of comfort? Absolutely.
So I must confess: there may have been a few controversial dirty lyrics bouncing between those empty pews.
Please forgive me, God.
But I guarantee one thing: this house of the Lord was definitely clean.
The Boombox Series (Part IV) Playlist:
Playlist Highlights:
“You Can’t Play With My Yo-Yo” - Yo-Yo
“Treat ‘Em Right” - Chubb Rock
“My Mind is Playing Tricks on Me” - Geto Boys
“Ain’t No Future in Yo Frontin’” - MC Breed
“Rock Dis Funky Joint” - Poor Righteous Teachers
“Spellbound” and “Your Mom’s in My Business” - K-Solo
“Call Me D-Nice” - D-Nice
“Jack of Spades” - Boogie Down Productions
“Self Destruction” and “We’re All in The Same Gang” - Various Artists
“Case of the P.T.A.” - Leaders of the New School
Full Album Cassette Stack
Step in the Arena and No More Mr. Nice Guy - Gang Starr
All Souled Out and Mecca and The Soul Brother - Pete Rock & CL Smooth
Life of a Kid in the Ghetto - Ed O.G. & Da Bulldogs
Peaceful Journey - Heavy D & The Boyz
The Low End Theory - A Tribe Called Quest
Cypress Hill - Cypress Hill
Ain’t a Damn Thing Changed - Nice & Smooth
All Hail The Queen and Nature of a Sista - Queen Latifah
A Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing - Black Sheep
To the East, Blackwards - X-Clan
Mama Said Knock You Out and Walking With A Panther - LL Cool J
Short Dog’s in the House - Too Short
Let the Rhythm Hit ‘Em - Eric B. & Rakim
In Control, Volume II: For Your Steering Pleasure - Marley Marl
At Your Own Risk - King Tee
Edutainment and Live Hardcore Worldwide - Boogie Down Productions
Apocalypse 91…The Enemy Strikes Black - Public Enemy
The Cassette Stacks from Boombox Playlists, Part II and Part III